Unveiling My Brother’s Headstone
A Journey Back to the Forest
Seven and a half months since we laid my brother Craig to rest, our family and friends gathered once again in the serene embrace of the forest. This time, it was for unveiling his headstone, a ceremony steeped in Jewish tradition and deep emotional significance. It was a day of reflection, remembrance, and reverence to honor Craig’s life and legacy.
Before sharing this experience, let’s take a moment to look back to that late autumn day when the leaves of fiery hues gently descended from the trees. The sky was dressed in a perfect blue, and the sun’s golden rays pierced through the canopy like a celestial searchlight.
It was a day of profound significance, the day we bid farewell to my dear brother in a unique and spiritual way.
Surrounded by family and friends, we gathered around the open grave, where a simple pine box awaited its solemn descent into the raw earth. Like whispered confetti, the leaves fluttered down in a gentle dance around us, paying their respects to a soul departing this world.
With its ancient wisdom and timeless beauty, the forest offered the perfect setting for his farewell. It provided us solace and a sense of continuity in the face of our grief. As we watched the leaves descend and listened to the wind’s whispering embrace, we were reminded that life, like the seasons, is a cycle—a continuous journey of transformation and renewal.
In the late autumn forest, amidst the rain of leaves and the loving presence of family and friends, we said our goodbyes to my brother. It was a farewell that transcended the ordinary, a tribute to the natural world’s enduring beauty and the soul’s eternal journey.
The Unveiling Ceremony
We returned to that sacred forest on a late spring day. The season had changed, and the forest was now vibrant with new life, echoing the cycle of renewal that Craig so profoundly cherished. The sky, heavy with clouds, provided a cloak of embrace to our presence.
Gathered around the veiled headstone, we took a moment to dwell upon the time that had passed without Craig. The woods offered a perfect setting for our reflections. As we stood in silent contemplation, we felt the profound impact of Craig’s life and the void left by his absence.
The ceremony began with the Rabbi offering words of comfort and reflection. He spoke about the enduring nature of memory and the importance of coming together as a community to honor those who have passed. His prayers and words set a tone of reverence and unity, reminding us of the strength of shared remembrance.
Craig’s sister, June, recited Margaret Mead’s poem “Remember Me,” which captured the essence of Craig’s spirit and our deep connection with him.
To the living, I am gone.
To the sorrowful, I will never return.
To the angry, I was cheated,
But to the happy, I am at peace,
And to the faithful, I have never left.
I cannot be seen, but I can be heard.
So, as you stand upon a shore, gazing at a beautiful sea - remember me.
As you look in awe at a mighty forest and its grand majesty - remember me.
As you look upon a flower and admire its simplicity - remember me.
Remember me in your heart, your thoughts, your memories of the times we loved, the times we cried, the times we fought, the times we laughed.
For if you always think of me, I will never be gone.
As June finished her recitation, the gentle strains of Paul Simon’s song “Wait” from his new Seven Psalms album began to play. “Wait” is a song that beautifully intertwines themes of death and hope. Its message conveys that even though we may not fully understand what lies beyond, we can approach death with courage and grace. The song suggests that comfort can be found in the love of our dear ones and the belief that something better awaits us on the other side. The music filled the forest, creating an atmosphere of introspection and serenity.
Craig’s mother, Elaine, shared a heartfelt remembrance of her son. She spoke of the profound absence left by his passing but emphasized the joy and love he radiated, which filled her life with warmth and happiness. She concluded by saying,
“Craig, my sweet boy, you are forever loved and remembered. May this headstone stand as a testament to your beautiful soul.”
As Elaine’s words resonated in the stillness of the forest, it was clear that each of us carried our memories and reflections of Craig. The deep bond of family and the shared experiences of grief and love brought us closer in that moment. Following Elaine’s poignant tribute, I stepped forward to share my journey of grief and the profound lessons learned through the loss of both my son and my brother.
My Words…
Grief is a powerful emotion. It feels like a weight too heavy to bear, a storm that never ends. When I lost my son, Sam, I was engulfed in that storm. The pain was immense, and it seemed as though the light had vanished from my life. But amid this darkness, I discovered something profound—a gift that Sam had left me, a gift that would become my beacon through the shadows.
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MY LUZ BONE AND MY BROTHER
CRAIG, CAN YOU PLEASE DIAL IT DOWN A NOTCH?
Embracing Craig’s Energy
After sharing my recent experience with the mystical Luz bone and the connection to my brother Craig’s over-abundant energy, I received a heartfelt email from Heather, Craig’s widow. Her reflections added a beautiful layer to my understanding of Craig’s boundless spirit.
Heather wrote:
Craig is so energetic... How wonderful a story and realization! Thank you! I had an intimate conversation with Max (Craig's nephew). I talked a bit about our time in therapy together. He asked me how the therapist helped us. Craig was told,
‘You are energetically squashing Heather.’
It was one of the things we were working on together. He had (and has) so much to offer, think about, and share, but he struggled with impulse control, and for me, as a contemplative, it could be overwhelming. He had so much energy! And I do not doubt it is continuing. I’m glad you could break through and ask him to quiet it down a bit. What a Love! And the one positive thing about not having impulse control was that he loved me so grandly. It was so obvious. And it was such a gift for me.
Reflecting on Heather’s email (with permission to post), I was reminded of the conversation I had at the café about the Luz bone and my subsequent realization that the persistent pain in my neck could be a sign of Craig’s energetic presence. It became clear that my brother’s vibrant spirit, while a comforting reminder of our bond, might need some gentle tuning.
“Craig,” I thought, “I feel your presence, and it comforts me deeply. But sometimes, it's a bit too intense for me to handle. Could you please dial it down just a notch? I only need a subtle nudge to know you’re here with me.”
As I spoke these words, a gentle wave of peace washed over me, as if Craig had heard my request and understood. Over the next few days, the persistent ache in my neck began to ease, transforming from a sharp reminder into a gentle, warm presence.
Heather’s insight and my subsequent conversation with Craig have brought a new dimension to my journey of grief and connection. Craig’s energy, though powerful, is now more subtle and comforting. It serves as a reminder of our enduring bond and the love that continues to guide me through the days.
This experience has taught me that communication and boundaries are essential, even in the realm of spirit. Maintaining a loving connection with those we’ve lost while finding ways to balance their energy in our lives is possible. Craig’s love and enthusiasm continue to inspire me, but now, with a touch more serenity.
Thank you, Heather, for sharing your reflections and helping me navigate this beautiful, albeit complex, journey with Craig’s spirit. Your words have provided clarity and comfort, reinforcing the power of love and understanding across both physical and spiritual realms.
More Interesting Tidbits About the Luz Bone
The Luz bone is shrouded in a fascinating mystique within Jewish tradition. Known for its imperishable nature, this unique bone is believed never to be destroyed or perished. This distinct characteristic marks it as exceptional, and according to tradition, the Creator will use the Luz bone to regenerate the body during the resurrection of the dead, preserving the genetic information within its DNA.
Roman Emperor Hadrian
A particularly intriguing story involves Roman Emperor Hadrian and Rabbi Yehoshua ben Chananiah. Hadrian, curious about the reconstruction of man in the future, questioned Rabbi Yehoshua about the process. The Rabbi explained that it would begin from the Luz bone of the spine.
Skeptical, Hadrian sought proof. They subjected the Luz bone to various destructive tests: grinding in a mill, burning in fire, soaking in water, and hammering on an anvil.
Remarkably, the bone remained intact through all trials – the mill couldn't grind it, the fire couldn't consume it, the water couldn't soften it, and the hammering only resulted in a broken hammer and a slipped anvil.
This story exemplifies the Luz bone's indestructibility, reinforcing its significant role in the belief in resurrection. The notion that an indestructible part of our body contains the essence of our being is both scientifically intriguing and spiritually profound, offering a bridge between faith and the marvels of human biology.
Where to tie the Tefillin
Rabbi Isaac Luria taught that the Luz bone is located where the tefillin knot is placed, where the skull meets the back of the neck.
